“I often see people settle for less than they deserve in personal relationships: accepting bad behavior, excusing broken promises, accommodating people who take more than they give. Why? Because doing things we've grown accustomed to, is familiar, comfortable. “
~ Iyanla Vanzant
Sis, whether you realize it or not, we’re drawn to what’s familiar and comfortable like a moth to a flame, or the stereotypical 'good girl' to the 'bad boy'… because it’s what we kn
ow whether it’s good for us or not. It’s instinctual really, but will get you in trouble if it hasn't already.
Have you ever driven to your parent's house, the store, the office, and had no idea how you managed to get there? I certainly have. The journey was a haze of left and right turns, green and red lights; paying little attention to all the miscellany along the way like the new fruit stand and kids playing at the bus stop – we also miss the possible warning signs along the way too. This happens because we've flipped on our mental autopilot, and not just on the drive home but in some important areas of our lives. We slip into autopilot because the situation is familiar and to some degree, comfortable, so we stop paying at least full attention, particularly to the warning signs. We're essentially turning off or tuning out our internal radar, that little voice inside telling us there's more going on. You know that feeling Sis... that quiet, pang of uneasiness, maybe even restlessness, that you can't quite shake. We knowingly ignore those feelings, we ignore that little voice, because we'd rather not be uncmortable, and continue on as is because it's just easier... Right?
Staying at that job you hate because the benefits are good and it
pays the bills, instead of going after a better position or starting that business you know in your gut you should be doing is settling. Not dealing with your finances because you tell yourself you're able to meet your basic needs, when in reality you're struggling and do what you can to avoid getting your money together is settling. Staying in a relationship that's just not 'you', whe
re you're not getting what you need because the relationship is "good enoug
h" (or "not bad enough"), or the sex is good, or you've been together for forever, or you don't want to hurt them, or [insert your excuse here], instead of setting yourself free to find the love you know you deserve… is settling. And this is understandable really; it's a simple matter of "the devil (misery) you know is often better than the devil (misery) you don't know". We choose the familiar misery because it's familiar, comfortable, even predictable, and you've most likely arranged your whole life around the settling without even realizing it. I get it; that was me too.
Every meaningful and positive change in my life that gave me clarity, courage, and the confidence to live my life authentically came from me deciding to find the courage to flip that switch off. It's meant some ugly breakups, ending supposed friendships, being out of work, and even not communicating to a parent. So no, it hasn't been fun I had to learn how to choose ME. I had to learn how to bet on ME. I had to learn how to love ME first. And the more I did that, the better I got at it, the easier it became. We're willing to put up with so much as women, often sacrificing ourselves in the process. That's a whole other post so don't get me started!
Anyway Sis… the point is that I want you to move closer to living a full life where you're happy and content in every area of it. So I want you to do a gut check - ARE YOU ON AUTOPILOT IN ANY AREA OF YOUR LIFE?
Be well Sis 💜